Searchin for..........

Clearwater!!!

Sun, 04 Sep 2005 17:38:32 GMT

So what's better than a bunch of super hot model girls on a near perfect beach???.....an invitation to come along......hehe....no but a few of us are going to hang out with Lin, Danielle, and the rest of the model crew for a couple of days of R&R.......Clearwater is one of my favorite places on earth, and whats better than an ocean front vacation house, and $4.99 20 packs of Bud Light.......not much that I can think of......granted, Bud Light tastes like recycled piss, but at that price, who can beat it......Im super stoked.....loading up my I-pod, and rockin out to some SICK Kelly Clarkson remixes......I'll be back late Monday night.......be safe everyone!
Zach

Confusion.......

Sun, 04 Sep 2005 05:45:35 GMT

So....considering how much I understand about psychology, people, and the world in general.....I would guess I would know myself a little better than I do.......I can pick someone apart piece by piece in my own mind, and figure them out so easily, but I lack the ability to pick apart my own heart, and figure out why I hang on to things like I do. I have so much going for me, and so many great friends, but I continually hold tight to the people that make me feel the worst about myself......The ones that continually reject me, and negate the positive things that all my other friends do for me are the ones that I let affect me the most......I hate that part of me......the part of me that wants to change the way that these certain people in my life look at me, treat me, and affect me.........I put up with far more shit from my parents and siblings than anyone human ever should.......I take it in stride, and play it off because I KNOW why they are the way they are........Yet, I still.......still let it get the best of me sometimes........Same with friends........I havent seen Jeff in weeks.......I have tried hard to find a balance of caring, but letting him go.........He has made it pretty clear that he isn't making a trip down to Orlando, other than for a few hours tonight to pick up money and a computer......So I casually suggest that maybe Jess & I will come up to visit him next weekend.......He plays it off as he will be busy with Fraternity functions, and I was like......Fraternities don't take over your life.......He basically let me know that these are the people that he will be friends with forever.....& as stupid as it sounds......all I really ever wanted from him was to hear something like that.......just that im of some value to him........that we are friends.......I think I would probably shit myself if he ever called and said he was coming to Orlando to see me. To invite me up for something.....anything......even if it was just a trip up for dinner........I guess I'm just sick of hearing about his friends, and feeling constantly reminded that I will never be one of those people......It hurts.....and it gets to me.......I still don't understand what happened........I thought he would be someone I would feel close to for a long time......Someone I could talk to about anything.......but now.....I struggle to find something to talk about with him......I just mostly listen.......and wish on the inside that I was a part of his life again.....instead of listening to a news report about it all the time.....I have alot of positive things to be thankful for right now....on a side note.......I got my ASCAP statement, which was wayyyyy bigger than I expceted it to be......I am also really close to getting my settlement......I am working with some seriously amazing musicians right now.....writing more than I have in years, and feeling generally good about life......I have no idea where things are going to take me in the future......but for those of you that have been with me for so long.....I love you......you will never know how much you impacted my life......This entry is about as random, and spontanious as anything I've ever written in here......but it feels good to get it off my chest......G'Nite....ZJ

OMG......SOOOO HUNGOVER!

Sat, 27 Aug 2005 17:44:45 GMT

I don't think I've ever been that drunk in my entire life.......We sat in an empty parking garage downtown for at least 4 hours trying to sober up......If I drunk 'n' dialed anyone......many appologies........I am never drinking again.

Where No One Knows My Name......

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 03:55:18 GMT

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to leave Orlando and not look back......to leave everything I know behind me......Everything I've grown comfortable with.....everything complacent in my life.....to start over where not a soul knows me.....to make a new life for myself......Life in Orlando has grown stale to say the least......I need some new faces....new places.....I'd really like to find someone close that I could talk to.....I have so many friends, so why do I feel alone sometimes?

In the light of the sun
Is there anyone
ohh it has begun
O dear you look so lost
Eyes are red and tears are shed this world you must have crossed
You don’t know me, you don’t even care
OO Yea
you don’t’ know me you don’t wear my chains ooo yea

Essentially I’d appealed
Carried all your thoughts, across an open field
When the flowers gaze at you
They are not the only ones who cry when they see you
you don’t’ know me. you don’t even care ooo yea
you don’t’ know me. you don’t wear my chains ooo yea

I think I’m going to Boston
I think I’ll start a new life
I think I’ll start it over
Where No one knows my name
I’ll get out of Florida
I’m tired of the weather
I think I’ll get a lover
And fly them out to Spain

I think I’ll go to Boston
I think that I’m just tired
I think I need a new town to leave this all behind
I think I need a sun rise
I’m tired of the sun set
it’s nice here in the summer
But some snow sure would be nice
Ooo yea

You don’t know me
You don’t even care
Ooo yea

In Boston! No one knows my name
Yeaaa
No one knows my name
No one knows my name

In Boston no one knows my name

Random Thoughts From Over The Edge...

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 18:42:43 GMT

I keep a note that I wrote on a taxi receipt
It says, “Don't listen to anybody other than me”
I hit the big time for a nominal fee
You lose a friend in the end for every dream that you see come true
I got scars upon scrapes, I've got bruises on breaks
Masochistically committed to see how much of this I'll take
Three years under water, and I ain't even got the shakes
I'm going deeper and deeper and deeper

I've got dreams to remember, I've got days to forget
I've got some phone calls in to God but he ain't called me back just yet

At Peace

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 04:46:12 GMT

given every moment i had
still i can never seem to keep up with you
you're done with one mile and onto another one thousand
still i can never seem to keep up with you

i know youll be better off without me when im gone
you know you're, your beautiful
you're beautiful

shine on
you were made to
shine on
and you know i love you
and even if we can or cant be friends
ill be with you until the very end
so shine on, you were made to

its keeping me awake every night
but i can never seem to give up on you
i send up a prayer and im onto another one thousand
i can never seem to give up on you

i know youll be better off without me when im gone
you know youre, your beautiful
youre beautiful

shine on
you were made to
shine on
and you know i love you
and even if we can or cant be friends
ill be with you until the very end
so shine on, yeah

nobodys wrong, nobodys right
keep moving on..
shine on, yeah
you were made to shine on

shine on, you were made to
shine on, and you know i love you
and even if we can or cant be friends
were gonna be brighter than we've ever been
so shine on

youre gonna be just fine
oh, youre gonna be alright love,
youre gonne be just fine,
oh youre gonna be alright love..

Grrr......

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 02:32:28 GMT

Why are some things so hard to let go........Sometimes I HATE being a fucking Scorpio.......I never know when to quit.......I guess I just don't know how to give up......Letting go of things is not my specialty.....sometimes I feel pathetic.....

A Realization

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 19:15:37 GMT

I realized today that the people around you have the ability to completely reshape you......mold you....change the way you look at life, people, and love......I believe that everything happens for a reason.....J is leaving in a little over a week.....I'm gonna miss that bitch like crazy, but throughout the summer, he has taught me an immense amount about myself......made me realize alot of things......I feel like the last few sentences of this chapter in my life are being written, but I have no complaints, and no regrets......J.....you are an amazing person.......I appriciate everything you've given to me, and will always be there for you.......You are amazing.....I love you.....as a friend & as a person.....I hope you find everything you are searching for.....
Z

Affirmation

i believe the sun should never set upon an argument
i believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
i believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
i believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
i believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
i believe i'm loved when i'm completely by myself alone

i believe in karma what you give is what you get returned
i believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
i believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
i believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

i believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
i believe that trust is more important than monogamy
i believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
i believe that family is worth more than money or gold
i believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
i believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

i believe in karma what you give is what you get returned
i believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
i believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
i believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

i believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
i believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
i believe that god does not endorse tv evangelists
i believe in love surviving death into eternity

i believe in karma what you give is what you get returned
i believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
i believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
i believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

Ahhhh.....

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 14:16:52 GMT

Life is just about perfect......J and I had a really good talk at brio the other night, totally cleared the water.....Went to dinner with Jess, Chris, Robbie, Maria, and Erin last night.....good times.....Talked to Chris for about two hours before I hit the hay.....I miss that kid like crazy.....Gonna go out with J after work, tanning, and my first lazer treatment today......gosh....I sound like a 40 year old woman......lol.....no worries......life is good......hit me up guys.
Z

Update.....

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 21:57:26 GMT

Even though the 4th didn't go exactly like I had planned, I still spent the whole thing with J and it was awesome......Trev, Dan, and everyone else that hasn't met him.......U NEED TO!.....I am so freakin happy......He is the shit......We went out with Jess, went to dinner, did all kinds of stuff......I am working tonight, outside, so all ya'll bitches come in and see me.....it's gonna be mad fun if u do yo......:).....OH and there is some seriously awesome music shit finally shaping up.....I'm stoked!.....Call me people.
Z

So yip.....

Sun, 03 Jul 2005 19:23:33 GMT

I'm all packed up.....and I figured, since I'm spending the weekend with J, I prolly wont update till at least Tues, or Weds.....So I'm off to work....I'll be there until at least 10pm, so come see me.....Then it's off to J's for tonight, Joey's tomorrow with Jess and J........ tomorrow night, back to J's, and Tuesday, we are all hangin out again.....Anyone who knows my cell, call it.....anyone who doesnt......email me......"UQT" J......
ZJ

Update......

Sun, 03 Jul 2005 17:01:57 GMT

Yesterday was a fuckin blast.....I ent with J to Disney in the morning, and we ended up staying there for 12 hours.....Went to Magic Kingdom, Epcot, and MGM.....we ate lunch at Canada.....which has the best filet mignon steak I have ever had in my life.....and we went to China for dinner.....it was good too......I think we rode just about every ride there.....I hadn't had that much fun in a long time.....I'm crashing in Windermere tonight, after work, and goin to Joey's for his annual 4th party.....it's a kick ass time......I can't wait......spending the whole 4th weekend with J.....I have it bad for that boy......he's amazing.....in every way imaginable......UR MY FAVOURITE MEXICAN EVER!.....haha.....now give me a chinky smile......and some pork fried rice ;).....hahahaha......IM OUT!.....call me people.
ZJ

BUY THIS CD!!!

Thu, 30 Jun 2005 15:39:21 GMT

On a side note......I am doing a project for a band called Acceptance......the CD is called Phantoms......It is a fucking awesome CD.....go buy it.

"Different"
BY: ACCEPTANCE
PHANTOMS ALBUM (2005)

Tell myself on the ride home
Getting tired, hating all I've known
Holding on, like it's all I have
Count me out,
When it's clear that I find it hard to say
And you, find it hard to care

Chorus
I wanted to see something thats different
Something you said would change in me
Wanted to be anything different
Everything you would change in me

Got this way, up front but never true
God I'm wrong, it's just the way I am
Crashing down, any chance you hear
Caving in, any chance that you can see inside of me
And I dunno what to say
It's fine, this isn't Hollywood
So fine, getting in your way

Chorus
I wanted to see something thats different
Something you said would change in me
Wanted to be anything different
Everything you would change in me

I'm taking a chance
This could be different
This could be all I'm waiting for
Taking a chance
This could be different
This could be all I'm waiting for

Chorus
I wanted to see something thats different
Something you said would change in me
Wanted to be anything different
Everything you would change in me

Ugh!

Thu, 30 Jun 2005 15:36:51 GMT

So yesterday sucked......aside from working a 12 hour day, I somehow lost a $100 dollar bill, so my tips for the day were cut by over a third......I was so pissed......my douche bag ex roommate decided to have bitch fest 2005, and nothing was going on last night......But on a positive note, I talked to J for a while before bed, and got an early night.......Work called me and said they needed me early this morning, so after getting up, and putting in my contacts, headed towards the shower, they called back and said they didnt......oh well......I guess I'll get an early start on the morning......I have to work at 4 in station four tonight, so I'll be out early.....J and I are goin out after work.......call me if you wanna hang with us.....If I like you, I might invite you. :)
Z

Quick Update!

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 14:17:20 GMT

Went to Fun Spot last night, and played video games for hours with "J", Rachel, Juliet, & Brian......J and I beat House Of The Dead......It would have taken about 65 bux in quarters to really beat it. I'm working a triple today......18 hour shift......NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!......I can't wait for this weekend.....PARTAY!.....Uno...******.....**** J.....
Zach

Grrrrr......

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 14:11:20 GMT

I can't wait to move into my own house this weekend, and into next week.......I'm sick of sharing space, bathrooms, stuff, and sick of not having somewhere to hang with my friends, J, etc......Went and looked at a really nice 3 series BMW yesterday at Fields of Orlando.....They are pricks.....for real.....shady, shady motherfuckers......but it's ok.....at least I know what I want now.......So that's my plan.......a nice 3 series.....sitting in my driveway soon.......and at 3.9 percent financing, it's perfect.......Went to Steak & Shake with J at midnight last night.....it was a good time.....came home, and was sleepin by 130.....damn I have been goin to bed early lately.....It probably gets really old reading this, but I like this boi so damn much......I'm out.
Z

Cars.....

Mon, 27 Jun 2005 17:56:43 GMT

So it's official......I'm forfeiting my $150.00 deposit for the S2000 I wanted, and going to look at BMW's......I figured I might as well get something I'll like for a long time.....that's more than a 2 seater......AND.......I recently found out, that some models come equipped with back window shades that pull up.......THAT could come in handy ;).......So.....only a week until the fourth.....damn I'm stoked.....I'll have my new house.......the boi's house will be empty for two weeks.....and I will actually be able to spend some quality time with him.......OH....I'm goin to Disney on Saturday......just the two of us.....so I'm outa commission for that day.......considering we've been seeing each other for a couple weeks, and haven't spent one block of time alone for more than an hour, I think it's well deserved...........Before I run out the door to get hard over cars, I want to say this......JRB.....you are the coolest guy I've met in so long......You make me smile, and I care about you immensely......Uno...*****.....****......Muah!
Z

Work.....again.....

Sun, 26 Jun 2005 15:18:35 GMT

But I will be done by 6pm tonight.....not 3am like most nights......I think "J" is comin to stay the night, and we are doing massages right after work with Jess.....gosh I love that girl......I am happier than I have been in so long, and everything seems to be goin right.......I am lookin at BMW's tomorrow........I have a recent appriciation for them......They are the shit........Made a shit load of money last night......"J" is amazing......
ZJ

Tired.......

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 14:06:31 GMT

Damn......My eyes are awake, but my brain is still sleeping I think.....I went to bed at about 3:45am last night, BUT had a fuckin awesome time......After work Erin, Rachel and I went and got massages......We wasted the entire afternoon......By the time we were finished it was almost 7:30.......We ran home, showered, changed, and all of us from work met up at Wing House to watch the Pistons game.....We left near the end of the 3rd quarter.....and I'm really glad considering they lost......Josh and Peter are crazy die hard fans, and were probably going insane towards the end.......We all ended up going downtown, and had a blast......we left kinda early, and dropped Jess and Brian off at their cars, and "J" and I just sat at the pool talking and cuddling, and it's crazy.......he always says the right things.....has the most sensual lips on the planet, and makes me feel like I haven't in a really long time......I can't wait for 4th of July......The next couple weeks are going to be great I can just tell......We are goin to Kobe's for dinner tonight......and I've decided I'm gonna have to race him to the bathroom haha.....no but for serious, I have to go to work........money calls.......CALL ME PEOPLE......WE GO OUT IN GROUPS EVERY NIGHT ALMOST!......
ZJ

I Don't Wanna Fall To Pieces......

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 14:18:29 GMT

I just wanna sit and stare at you........"J".......I can't get enough of you......Tonight is gonna rock......There are so many of us going out tonight it's insane.......Life is so good right now.......I feel like I'm in an episode of the OC.......& speaking of the OC.....I burned the most fucking awesome mix cd in history yesterday.....It's like the soundtrack of my life for the past month......It would be a #1 cd on Billboard.....If anyone gives a shit.....comment, and I'll put up the track list......Trev, Dan, Allie, Roxy, and all the other friends I haven't seen in a while, or have been neglecting......I love you guys, and I wanna hang out......call me, or email me.......I think about ya alot bois "n" gurls.......I'm working Saturday night, so if ya'll bitches want the hookup for dinner this weekend, come see me.......hugs, and I'm out!
ZJ

"I Get Lost.........

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 16:18:59 GMT

In Your Eyes.......I don't mind not knowing what I'm headed for".......oh how a cheezy 80's song can sum up so how I feel when I'm around you sometimes......you fuckin rock J.......If I can make you feel half as good as you make me, I'd be content......Thursday is gonna soooo kick ass........I don't know if I've ever had as much fun as last Saturday.......I'm rambling now.....and you don't even have an LJ, so I'm done......but it feels good to say it......I'm out.
ZJ

Completely Content......

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 20:26:20 GMT

Work was fucking awesome yesterday.......I made almost 300 bucks......On a side note......"J".....you are amazing.....I have not been this happy in a long time.......You were exactly what I needed.......A Breath of fresh air......I can't wait to see you tonight.......With that.....I'm out....
Z

:)

Sat, 18 Jun 2005 16:27:27 GMT

I really really really like him......His eyes, his lips, his smile......We have gone out the past two nights, and we are goin out again tonight......It's gonna be a blast......call me if you know me, and if I like you.....you can come out with all of us :)
ZJ

Tom Sneddon......

Mon, 13 Jun 2005 22:24:02 GMT

FUCK YOU.....Not Once.....But Twice!.......Not Guilty Bitch!......Santa Barabara, CA can go fuck themselves, and leave him alone.....
(Let's hope he's a little smarter this time)

YAY!

Sometimes......

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 14:05:07 GMT

I feel like such an ass......